all but one

A little while ago I noted that the more time that passed, the less frequently we seem to get support from our community.  In the beginning, there were lots of visits and phone calls, offerings of food and general help.  I would send an "Evie Update" and within minutes would have replies flooding my inbox, my BlackBerry beeping as each message came through.  I would always read each persons message immediately, excited and touched by the outpouring of kindness and support.  Over the past 18 months, this has faded.  We are not in need of dinners anymore, and yes we still get phone calls from our friends, but the calls are not about Evie, just about life.  Thirty plus emails became ten to fifteen, which then became four or five. 


It has been four days since I sent out my last email update about Evie's progress.  In four days I have had one reply - and though it was an incredibly sweet and thoughtful email, it came as a result of me noting that it was the first time that I did not have any replies. 


Dont get me wrong, I get it.  This whole thing has been normalized, it happens over time.  I know that everyone still wants to know how she is doing, and are satisfied to read the emails, absorb the information, and then move on with the next thing on their to do list.  It's the same way that I make plans for tea and playdates "as soon as we're done with the chemo appointment".  I know it has nothing to do with a lack of caring. 


I suppose even this far down the road, replies give a bit of validation.  They make the effort taken to write the emails, to include the little anecdotes about Evie growing (and not just all those appointments), worth it.  Sometimes it's just nice to hear from someone, and to get that reminder...


Someone said to me not so long ago, "I just worry about asking about Evie because I dont know if you want to talk about it".  Fair enough.  For the record, Paul and I have no problem talking about it - but we in fact worry about always talking about Evie and upsetting others.  Talking about it is one thing, clearly nobody ever wants to make anyone else uncomfortable, its a touchy topic and for some people, it's difficult to deal with and to hear about.  BUT, when I sit down and write an email, it is my way of opening up the flood gates.  It is my way of starting that communication about Evie and all that surrounds her.  I am talking about it, and inviting you to listen, and ask questions, and talk back.  I'm doing the hard part, initiating....a little reciprication can go a long way. 


Just another one of those things....you dont realize how much you need something, until you stop getting it. 


To the one person that did reply, no matter what got them to do it, thank you.  I thank you so much, because I know that you love  us, and care about us, and that you sent your reply not just for yourself, but as a reminder to us that everyone still cares.