365 days, 180 degrees apart

April 13, 2011, Evelyn's 1st Birthday


I would hazard a guess that I have been looking forward to and counting down the days to Evelyn's first birthday for weeks...months...perhaps even since the day she was born.  A first birthday is a huge deal.  It's a benchmark.  It's like a passing grade in what is arguably one of the toughest years of parenthood.  By your childs first birthday, you've also encountered a lot of other first; eating solids, teeth, sitting up, moving around, sounds if not words, sleeping through the night, just to name a few.  With every first you hit, you feel a sense of accomplishment, and you gain confidence in your parenting skills.  The fear of a newborn has long passed, and despite not knowing what adventures toddlerhood is going to bring your way, there is less panic about your abilities to handle it all.


With the curveball we were thrown at the 6 1/2 month mark, Evelyn's birthday has been even more of an event to look forward to.  It has been a positive sure thing to look forward to, no matter what else came up.  And now it's here.  Her birthday fell on a Wednesday, not the most rockin day of the week, but it will due.  I guess whenever you really look forward to something, there is potential for it to not live up to the hype, and though I hate admitting this, I feel this is what has happened.  I was very excited for the Birthday (Birth Day), and I wanted to really celebrate and focus on all things positive.  After such a stressful 5 1/2 months, I really wanted to enjoy the day.   I made a cake, and Paul and I purchased her first birthday present.  We had planned two parties for the weekend, one with our families and one with our friends.  I thought we had it all figured out, but what I wasnt prepared for was how differently Paul was feeling about the day.


Every ounce of my enthusiasm and excitement was countered by his feelings of sadness and regret.  Where I was happy for the day to arrive, to have a reason to celebrate something positive, Paul was stuck thinking about all of the negative that had consumed our lives.  He was upset that his baby, only one year old, had been put through so much, so soon.  Though I found it cute that Evie knew where her EMLA patch went when she found it in my purse, it saddened Paul that she was so wise to a step in her chemotherapy.  I was proud of how much we had done, Paul was more focused on the fact that we had to do it in the first place.


When we finally figured out how far apart our feelings were, the day had escaped us.  Though I am happy to say we celebrated in spite of our own feelings, to say the day was bittersweet would be an understatement.   Even thinking back now, I find it so hard to believe that we were on such different pages, but it goes to show you that everyone has a different perspective and a different way of dealing with things.  This is clearly not the 1st Birthday I expected to have when our daughter was born, but it's a 1st Birthday none the less. No matter what we felt or how we celebrated, Evelyn Marie Laplante turned one, and no matter what the next year of her life entails, we are ALL looking forward to celebrating her next birthday.

364 days

It's one year to the day that I went into labour.  I am so nostalgic.  It's to the point where I have pulled out my labour records (thanks Midwives!), and have started to re-read my entire labour.  I have already annoyed Paul with the, "Do you know what happened at this time last year?!"  He could care less that I had a contraction that wouldn't resurface for another 20 minutes.  But I do.  And let's be honest.  I hardly need the records.  That evening, in it's entirety, and the morning hours that followed are forever ingrained in my mind.  I cannot forget what has become my biggest accomplishment to date.
I always used to think it was odd that my mother knew exactly what time we were all born.  I mean, weight was one thing, but the time?  Seriously?  I am now stupidly almost counting down the minutes.  11:23am on (what was a) Tuesday morning in April.  And I can not only remember the time, but so many other little details.  I remember how nice and sunny it was on my last full day of pregnancy.  I remember staying at school with Isabelle until 5pm, crouching akwardly on a rock as she played.  I remember making Spaghetti for dinner.  I remember feeling strange, and not quite clueing into labour.  I remember how excited Paul looked.  I remember trying to go to sleep and realizing it wasnt gonna happen.  I remember staying awake all night waiting for a real sign of progressing labour (though I didnt get one until 6am).  I remember watching Paul sleep as I picked up his slack and timed contractions, lol.  Much later I remember the midwives springing into action (as Evie's cord was snugly wrapped around her tiny neck), I remember where I was (gently positioned upright on the edge of my bed), I remember the colour of the little hat placed on her head (pink!), and I remember seeing arms and legs....long little arms and legs.  I remember her birth so well, and oddly enough, the rest of the day is somewhat of a blur.  It actually felt very long.  Full of visitors.
A year has passed and so much as happened.  Babies grow so much in a year, its really incredible.  As adults much of our changing has somewhat stopped, or at least slowed down.  It is a much more gradual process, so much so it is almost unnoticed.  But babies....they evolve so much.  In a matter of months they go from cute little newborns basically just sleeping and eating, to babies who can watch and learn, to toddlers who have learned to ask, demand, anticipate and expect.
Part of me is thankful Evie has not been an early learner....she doesnt really have any words, and still insists on scootching around on her bum.  I've been blessed with my baby for a full 12 months - no time cut short!  Perhaps that sounds bad as a parent....discouraging perhaps?  I dont mean it that way at all.  I'm sure all parents can relate to the feeling of never wanting their little ones to grow up.  Babies are only babies for so long....I'm thankful for all of my days of scootching, baby babble, cuddling, and even nursing.  I fear that these days are numbered.....I'll hold on as long as I can.  

5th email

Hello again,

Once again the past few months have escaped us.  Spring has arrived and it appears that the weather may actually start to accommodate.  It has been much more of the same, kind of getting to be routine with all the appointments, but here are the highlights:

Roughly one month ago Evelyn's doctors decided that it would be in her best interest to change her drug treatments.  Despite being given 2 pre-meds, her allergic reaction just wouldnt go away.  With her new treatment plan she is now given only 1 drug (as opposed to 2), and is no longer required to take the pre-meds, and also doesn't require the anti-nauseant afterwards.  This new drug is also quicker to administer as it is referred to as a "push" (think any typical vaccine) as opposed to an IV drip - so our days at the hospital are significantly shorter.  The down side is that the treatment plan is given over a longer timeframe, an extra 10 weeks to be exact.  It is also given every week, no weeks off.  She has had 4 doses and seems to be tolerating it well.  

The new date we had been given for MRI # 2 was March 11.  Well, sadly that day came and went with nothing.  We got the call at dinnertime on March 10th - the MRI department had an emergency and Evelyn was being bumped.  To say we were disappointed (again) would be an understatement.  Thankfully it was rescheduled for only 2 weeks later, and Evie received her 2nd MRI on March 24th.  We were fortunate enough to be given the results that same day, though they were not as positive as we had hoped.  The exact words we heard were, "It seems as though the tumour is more generous than the initial scan" - a nice way to tell us it had grown.  Based on the results we were told that a change in her drug treatment would have been necessary even without the allergic reaction - so it was a good thing we had already started a new one.  Given the changes to her treatment, the plan is now essentially to wait until the third scan to see if the new drug is having a better effect.  One positive is that despite the scan showing an increase in mass, Evie is thriving as a baby.  

She was seen by opthamology on March 11th and they were happy with her progress.  She no longer squints to see things, though she sometimes turns her head.  Unless we find a reason, her next appointment isnt until August.  At 16 months I'm not sure if the eye exam will be easier or harder!

We had another trip to the ER last week - nothing serious though.  It's a bit of a shame that we need to spend an evening in the ER just to get the ok to give our little one some tylenol.  That being said, we do understand the seriousness and risk involved if she comes down with a fever, it's just unfortunate we have to put her through so much (waiting and bloodwoork) in order to provide her some relief.  

Fevers may become a bit more frequent as Evie is finally teething....she cut her first tooth a couple weeks ago, and there are about 3 more that are definitely close.  I cant tell you how excited we were about this.....I kept waiting and waiting, watching all of her little baby friends with their mouths full of itty bitty teeth, Evie with her big gummy smile - now a thing of the past.  It took 11 1/2 months, but she did it.  Otherwise she is progressing beautifully.  Though she has yet to take those first steps on her own, she is getting more comfortable walking with people, and cruises around the furniture no problem.  Monkey that she is, she is even climbing in, out and over everything.  Her eating habits and weight are essentially a non-issue.  She is still a "little" baby, but is not a concern.  

As we are already more than a week into April we are counting down the days....Evelyn will be 1 on April 13th!  I cant believe this.  The past year has gone by far too fast.  Someone I know said about 2010, they cried their happiest tears and their saddest, and I think that applies to me as well.  I think this is why we are all so looking forward to celebrating Evie's birthday - she is such an incredible little girl.

Thanks again for all the support, this is still something we are getting used to and it helps to know, months later, that she (and we) are still on your minds, and in your thoughts and prayers.

Paul and Kristine